There are many mysteries in life.
Where do missing socks go?
Why does the grocery bill always double when you only needed milk?
And why, when I put something down for two minutes, does it immediately vanish into another dimension?
This week’s mystery involved my glasses.
Now, I take my glasses off to read. This is normal. This is reasonable. This should not turn into a full-scale investigation requiring witnesses, suspects, and possibly a crime scene diagram.
I was reading on the bed, took my glasses off, and at some point wandered into the kitchen. As one does. Probably for water. Maybe a snack. Maybe because I walked in there with purpose and immediately forgot that purpose the second I crossed the threshold.
Also normal.
When I came back, I thought my glasses were on the bed.
They were not.
I looked on the blanket.
I looked on the nightstand.
I looked on the floor, because apparently I now have the coordination of someone being mildly haunted.
Nothing.
Halo was on the bed too, sprawled out like a furry queen who had conquered the mattress and was now accepting tribute. I glanced at her, but I didn’t check underneath her because she was flat. Like completely melted into the bedding.
Surely my glasses couldn’t be under the cat.
Surely.
Friends, they were under the cat.
Not beside her.
Not near her.
Under her.
She had fully committed to the role. She was not just lying on my glasses. She had claimed them. Absorbed them into her territory. Possibly decided they were warm, important, and therefore hers.
And this is what I don’t understand about cats.
Why do they do this?
Why do they look at every single item we set down and think, Ah yes. A bed.
A book? Bed.
A sweater? Bed.
A piece of paper you need? Bed.
A laptop keyboard while you are actively typing? Luxury bed.
Glasses? Apparently also a bed.
Of course, when I finally lifted her up, she gave me that look. You know the one. The deeply offended, how-dare-you-disturb-my-sacred-rest expression.
As if I was the problem.
As if she hadn’t just spent who knows how long flattening my glasses with her tiny royal body.
The good news is, the glasses survived.
The bad news is, I have learned nothing.
I will absolutely put them down again.
Halo will absolutely sit on them again.
And I will absolutely spend ten minutes searching the room while the answer blinks at me from under the cat.
You can see why I didn’t think to check her first below.
Is that good camoflauge or what?
All the best,
Tia
